Don’t Let Your Nipples Show

"What's on your mind?", facebook asks...

“Don’t let your nipples show.”

That is what she said…this woman that has experienced life for many many years….she simply said she hates it when people show their nipples through their shirt. “Get a bigger shirt” she said. “It is that simple. “ 

If only life were that simple. 

This woman is someone I look up to. She has experienced children, winning, grandchildren, leaving legacies all over the place, a marriage that is stronger than anything life brought, she has places named after her, she has a name that is known – yet she has also experienced loss, heartbreak, questions, and the harshness of a world that doesn’t even know. Boy, do I desire to learn from her. I would sit at her feet every chance I get and be so grateful. There are others. Another is a momma, a nurse, then a full-time educator, an encourager of life, nudging you in the pursuit of your best self, full of laughter, and wiser than anyone I ever knew. She had a one-line zinger for about every situation you could find yourself in. She had a heart of gold, eyes of blue, and a smile that lit up the room. She lost her husband all too soon, loves her grandchildren, and is still spreading sunshine everywhere she goes. Another…she was so full of a life I didn’t even get to know. But, you could see it. You could see it in her eyes when you came in the room that she lived in - in a body that wasn’t keeping up with her mind. You could see it in the way she opened her mouth when I fed her a sundae she wasn’t supposed to have - due to her diet. You could see it when I put a paintbrush in her hand and it was like yesterday that she created all of her masterpieces – some I have hanging on my wall. I know I am a lot like her…I feel it. I only wish I had more time with her. And another – one that is what I see as a true “matriarch”…maybe not by choice, but by how the cards fell. She has a gift – one that her family and extended family still needs today. She is strong. She just knows. She is wise. She loves. She expected things. She helped values grow. She developed amazingly strong people and still gives in the most creative, fun, inspiring ways. I don’t even know her that well, but boy could I ever learn from her if given the chance. And, then there are my ladies – the ones that raised me, raised Danny – our mommas, our aunts…the ones that went before us. I can’t even begin to say how many questions I have for them…oh to sit at the feet of one of these every day…that is how I want my days to begin.

You see – we aren’t meant to do this world alone. I know it. I need these voices, I need this wisdom. I feel like Moana wanting to hear from her grandmother or figuring out how to channel my ancestors in some fun and intense ritual – I would do it if I knew how! I am lost in this time – full of questions. I am lost in this world that we live in – politics, issues, technology – all of the crazy! I mean, I do ok – I get things done, am grateful for the life I have, love as best as I can, and keep putting one foot in front of the other. I know the things to do to keep “well”, the things to focus on to try not to go crazy, and have faith that it will all be ok…but honestly, it is most every day that I feel like I am a bit like a fish out of water. I don’t know if I am alone but boy – do I ever feel like this is not how this is supposed to be. We are more than this. We are more than fast-paced, worrying, trying to keep up, always too busy, always searching, going it alone people. We are. There is more. 

There is love. There is partnership. There is family. There is being there for one another. There is slowing down. There is a time without cell phones. There are relationships that need our attention. There are people that need us more than life will allow. 

So what do we do? I am not sure. I want to sit at the feet of these women and ask. I want to see what they think. I want it to be as simple as just not letting your nipples show. I want it to be as simple as an invite to dinner that leads to togetherness and shared life. I want it to be a life that I am so excited for my kids to grow up in – and not one of uncertainty. Ever since I can remember, I have wanted women to mentor me. I have always looked for them – in every place I have lived. I gravitate toward them. I want to glean all I can…as I truly believe their perspective is one that is imperative to this life. I want to listen. I want to absorb all I can from those that have gone before us. I want to inherit their strength. I want to ask questions about parenting, marriage, life stages…about depression, about anxiety, about hard times. About non-negotionables. About passions and letting passions go. Dreams and letting dreams go. What it feels like to be them now. I want to know. I want to know what they would do in my now. I desire their wisdom, their look on life as it is, what they have learned, and honestly – sometimes I even want the swift kick in the ass I know I need to get back on track.

So, something hit me today that made me sit and type. Yes, I have a million things I “should” be doing. But, I want my inner critics to be more wise, mature, and have life experience….not critics that are telling me I “should” send that email or go scoop poop in the backyard (literally on my to do list.) etc, etc.

In the words of Kenny – I have a few screws loose and some are just too tight. I know it. I embrace it. But I want to loosen more. I want to live my best life. I am searching, and want to be sure I do it rather than suffocate myself with tightening those screws til they are completely un-turnable. I want to be love. I want to be an ice cream truck. I want to show up. 

Close your eyes to see what matters. Ahhhhh…oh that was a nice moment. No time to edit. 

My three littles are about to be home – well – one little and two bigger-than-me littles….time to go be the best I can be… 

Remember – Every Heart is an Island, but no one’s alone… 

Ship wrecked in a high wind

Tryin' to find our way home

And every tear is an ocean

We're all brothers in a storm

And we're tryin' to survive it

Lookin' for dry land

Every heart is an island.

There’s more.